Joke for the day

Jokes and funny stories

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crazyhorse
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Re: Joke for the day

Postby crazyhorse » Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:02 am

A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER READS:

We will heel you

We will save your sole

We will even dye for you. :D


A SIGN ON A BLINDS AND CURTAIN TRUCK:

“Blind man driving.”

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels.”

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for,

You've come to the right place.”

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed.”

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

:D :D :D :D

crazyhorse
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Posts: 1343
Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:24 pm

Re: Joke for the day

Postby crazyhorse » Sat Mar 03, 2018 2:33 am

The Preacher Desmond Decoux woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.
So… he told to his Assistant that he was feeling sick and convinced him to preach for him that day.
As soon as the Assistant left the room, Preacher Decoux headed out of town to a golf course about thirty kilometers away.
This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone.
After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Almighty God while looking down from Heaven and screamed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?”
The Almighty God sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”
Just then Preacher Decoux hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It was an impossible 430 yard shot, hole in one!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at God and asked, “Why did you let him make that amazing shot?”
The Almighty God smiled and answered, --------------------- “Who’s he going to tell”????????

crazyhorse
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Joined: Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:24 pm

Re: Joke for the day

Postby crazyhorse » Mon Apr 02, 2018 1:33 am

Grammar Lesson
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: 'How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

Here is his astute answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"

He won a trip around the world . :woohoo: :D


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